Sometimes... not always, but sometimes I wonder if I am just that kid who spends all day, struggling with diligence over that beauteous work of art, beaming with pride and joy as I add each piece and each splotch of color, then with an exuberance that resembles a golden retriever puppy, I put the newly created object out there, and the world, like a young mom, smiles and says all these wonderful things but deep down inside knows it is just a macaroni necklace.
I made the above wind chime for my mom. It is sitting on my craft table, waiting to be given to her. But then that feeling, that familiarity hit me, like I knew I was resembling something... then I realised, what it was, I was feeling like the sheepish kid handing something to my mom that I had made with my own two hands.
As a child, I was famous for spending all day on a project and then getting frustrated and throwing it in the trash. The sometimes imperfection and uniqueness of handmade has always something I have struggled with. With my own children, I encourage them in that their mistakes make things unique and wonderful. And I am sure my mom said the same things to me. But I would never believe her.... kind of the same way my kids are. Being a perfectionist and having a fragile self esteem makes it difficult for me to put my work out there.
But, I have made great stride in dealing with this, I am so proud of my Etsy store and I always feel good when I look at the things I have for sale there. But for some reason, a lot of the old feelings of inadequacy can seep back in when it comes to making something for my mom or family. So strange.